But that is not true, is it? Or do I have to wait longer? If so, can you please tell me how long?
Oh... I have so many questions and I can't answer them. Nobody answers them for me.
I was told not to leave the house "It is an evil world son", Mummy and Daddy said. And they know all about the evil world.
It has not always been like this, oh no! I still remember the warmth of the sun. It is so long ago that I do not remember anymore which year. I do remember that I sat in my little wooden chair in the garden, together with my fluffy Teddy Bear. Do you know his name? It was Arcot, Mummy said it meant 'bear' in a foreign language.
I should not have mentioned my Teddy Bear, he is gone too and now I feel sad again and cry. I must have lost him somewhere in the garden. Long after everybody else left and Arcot left me too. Why??
I was looking for food in the garden, digging carrots like Mummy did but I found a strange white carrot that looked like the bone our old dog ate. It scared me, I must have dropped Arcot and I do not want to go back.
Why is Mummy not coming back? She promised after Daddy never returned.
I loved Mummy and I loved Daddy but I did not love them when they were shouting at each other.
And they shouted so often; I always hid in the wardrobe, holding my hands over my ears and then I cried but they did not hear me.
One day Mummy said to Daddy: "It is enough, I'll make sure you never shout again" and she took Daddy to the garden. I stayed in the wardrobe so do not know where they went.
I waited and waited, maybe an hour, maybe a week, I don't remember. Here on my own an hour is as dark and lonely as a week.
But when Mummy returned she had mud on her hands, I thought she looked for carrots too.
After she washed her hands she took my arm and told me I was never to go out in the garden again: "Never! Do you hear me?"
I cried, shouting I wanted Daddy but she shook me until my teeth rattled and since that day I often have this terrible pain in my head. Pain that confuses me. I do not always remember the days or the weeks when I am in pain.
Sometimes I wake up in a dark house with dirty shoes. I don't understand where the mud comes from and I don't know who else wears my shoes. I don't go out in the garden, not after I found the white carrot. And I could not tell Mummy, she had gone too.
I often sit near the window, looking if she is walking down the path but the trees grow and grow, I don't think she can reach the house anymore.
I stopped looking in the mirror because I see an unknown man, dirty with long filthy hair and grey irregular stripes on his cheeks. His large eyes with the red eyelids are so scary! I am so afraid of him but he does not come after me. He stays in the mirror.
It can not be me, I am still little and looking for Arcot. I want to tell Arcot how very afraid I am, he will understand me.
I look at the photo's. Daddy always took photo's, there are boxes full of them. He had many camera's too, they are all still in the house. I do not know how it works, I tried to open the yellow boxes with the strange rolls in little plastic cans. But I d not know what to do with them. I rolled them out but do not see anything, it is all grey. Nothing like all the photo's where I see the old dog, Mummy and Daddy. Photo's on which I see myself in the wooden chair, that is how I know I am still little so the man in the mirror can not be me.
I do not want the photo's to go away. I talk to them, ask them to bring Mummy and Daddy back. Do you think that is possible? I try hard, I hold them against my chest and close my eyes. I repeat over and over again "Please step out and come to live with me!". Nothing happens and I am so scared!
I think hard but still do not know what happened to Mummy. The last thing I remember was that she was so angry at me and my headache got worse and worse. The next I knew was all the mud on my shoes, I don't know what happened in between. And if I try to think hard, my anxiety grows and grows and I look for Arcot. I look in every corner, behind every chair, I walk faster and faster, bump into furniture, throw things aside and shout. Shout for Arcot. Arcot! ARCOT..........!!
The man that waded through the weed and bushes, stood still. The awful sound that echoed through the woods was too scary to be human. Still, it were not the crows, it were not the deer.
He listened but only heard silence. Total silence, if every living creature in the forest held it's breath.
The man noticed how cold it was and rubbed the goosebumps at his arms. He was not sure any more if he still wanted to visit the abandoned house deep down the woods. The house that no one wanted to visit but he did not believe in ghosts.
He shook his head and continued his walk, surprised the temperature went down so quickly. He blamed the sun not being able to find it's way through the dense trees.
Suddenly the house was there, without a warning. The temperature was as low as it could be, it felt as if the cold came from the house and not the woods. The dark filthy windows glared at him, hostile and angry. He was not welcome but he did not give in to his fear.
The door was covered in cob webs with spiders as big as he had never seen before. With his sleeve over his hand, he pushed the doorknob and to his surprise the door flung open, tearing the cob webs apart, angry spiders running in all directions.
The temperature in the house felt below zero, the man's teeth started to rattle and he rubbed is arms for some warmth. If there was an evil world outside, in here it was even worse.
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| Photo: @thedarkveil (Instagram) |
While he put the photo back, he noticed another one with a lovely little boy in a wooden chair. A boy with angel-like curly hair, wide open eyes with long lashes. He smiled at the camera, happy in his own little world. In his arms, tightly pushed against his chest, a fluffy Teddy Bear.
"ARCOT!" This time the man clearly understood that gruesome scream. It echoed in his head, penetrated his body and bones. His blood froze and for the very first time in his life he knew what anxiety meant. Anxiety that made him run and run to never return.
Word of thanks: the photo of @thedarkveil (Instagram) inspired me to write this story and I was given permission to use the photo as an illustration for which I am very grateful.Thank you Cameron!!
Links: please visit the beautiful Instagram account of @thedarkveil and his impressive website Cameron and Evans Fine Art Photography!
Note: the story is pure fiction! A figment of my imagination!
Helen
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