The Gate (short story)

-4-

1977

    She loved early Spring; the night frost changed the countryside into a beautiful landscape. The soft green colours in the trees and in the fields, were miraculously transformed in soft white tones.

   Elenydd was very happy to have a day off instead of sitting behind her desk in the office that had not changed much since her grandfather Arnall Mealon Rhydderc arrived in the village to become Crickcelyn's very first solicitor. At the time Arnall was a very young man who married the beautiful and elegant girl Bronwyn, daughter of the local doctor Merrick. It was a happy marriage and Elenydd, only child, had a very happy childhood.

Because she never studied law and did not have a brother (there was no successor), the practice was sold to the solicitor that started his career with her grandfather and he was more than happy to offer her a job; she knew everyone in the village and was an excellent secretary.

   The past few weeks she went through all the old records and long closed cases disappeared to the large attic of the practice. Not a job she looked forward to when she started; all these files gathered so much dust over the years. Of course she did not read them all but there were a few that brought a smile to her face because she remembered the people and their history. The job was almost done, still a few to go and one of them was a file she found almost hidden in the back of the filing cabinet. It was sealed and the only information written on it was '1946/CHRCJ'. A bit odd as all other files had far more information and were easy accessible. The initials CHRCJ rang a bell with Elenydd but she told herself to think it over when the job was done. She put the file in a safe place to look at it another day, her instinct told her not put it away in the attic.

   While she walked down the hill she thought about this file and the written initials. She could not remember anyone who's name fitted to it but why was it so familiar? And why didn't she ask her parents? If it was indeed about one of the old villagers, her mother was the one to answer her questions but a little voice in her head told her not to bring up the subject. And Elenydd, gifted with the famous Celtic intuition, was determined to investigate on her own.

   When she left for her long walk, fully packed with sandwiches and a Thermos flask with tea, she did not have a destination in mind and was more or less surprised she stood on top of the hill that looked down on the Vale of Garhowy. She loved the beautiful view and particularly in this time of the year.

Elenydd sat down on a flat stone, got her Thermos and a cup and drank her tea; her hands folded round the warm cup. Little clouds bristled from the hot liquid and disappeared in the cold air. Apart from the calling sheep in the valley and an occasional pheasant, it was quiet. There was no wind and the sun tried to gain strength. It was going to be a perfect day and she felt very happy. “Who needed a husband to be happy?” she thought with a smile?

    She knew that she was a very pretty looking girl and the bachelors in the village competed for her attention. Of course there were a few she liked more than others but she never fell in love and managed very well to stay single at the age of only 22. “Many years to go before I marry some one. If I ever do”. In this modern world in 1977, people also lived together instead of being officially married. Not that it was a common thing in the village, on the contrary, but it was more and more accepted thanks to flower power era.

   Elenydd did not think of herself as being emancipated, modern yes, but still very feminine and enjoying being treated like a woman. She was brought up with men keeping the door open for women or not sitting down before their wife or host sat down and call her old fashioned, she valued these manners. At the same time she felt too young to step into any relationship and first wanted to travel. Her secretary job was not something she wanted to do for the rest of her life but it made it possible to save money for a long trip; Elenydd wanted to see more of the world.

   She took a handful of brown last year's bracken to dry her tea cup which she put in her bag, together with the Thermos.

Time to continue her walk. Once more she looked down on the valley and decided to go where her feet took her.

There were not many people about, only a local sheep farmer who greeted her by raising his cap. For the locals she was still the granddaughter of the old solicitor, nothing would change this.

    In the distance she noticed a bowed figure that slowly walked her way and she smiled. She recognized one of the best clients of the local Pub, an old farmer who was also one of the best gossipers in the village. Some one once said “Old Ed loves to curl his tongue around other people's gossip”.

    But Elenydd liked the man, he indeed thought he knew everything about everybody, feeling the need to exchange all this knowledge with everyone who showed interest – these were seldom people from the village – but he was not a bad man. He was very lonely after his wife died a long time ago; he never remarried. Instead he spent all his free time in the Pub where he met Elgar and they became almost a local attraction. Together they loved to play little mind games with visitors, examining them as if they were not there. And nothing the Landlord could do about it. Not that he wanted, Elgar and Old Ed were good drinkers and always paid their bills. No one dared to ask where the money came from, Old Ed protected his private life as fiercely as he talked about that of others!

   “Morning geneth, day off?” asked Old Ed. 

“Yes Ed, the weather is too good to spend a day in a dusty office!” the 'geneth' replied, used to never called by her name by Ed who agreed that it was a perfect day for a walk.

Instead of walking up hill, Old Ed stood still and looked if he wanted to ask something. Elenydd waited and nodded to encourage him. She was curious what he wanted because he knew she did not want to listen to gossips.

    The old farmer pushed his cap a little backwards, wriggled his old crooked fingers underneath it and scratched his head while his watery eyes glared at Elenydd: “Does the geneth knows about the visitor?” And when she looked puzzled, he continued: “The bachgen from Australia, that country where they sent all the thieves and murderers who never spoke proper English. They still don't.”

    Elenydd told Old Ed she did not know about a visitor from Australia. When did he arrive and did he stay at the Inn? Old Ed smiled, happy he knew something before Elenydd did and said: “ I am not going to tell, the geneth has to find out herself. But I'll tell you, the bachgen is mighty interesting!” He pushed his cap in the right place, nodded and walked off.

   She watched him going up hill and wondered why the Australian visitor was so special that Old Ed got exited. She shrugged her shoulders and followed the path to the valley and was not very surprised her feet took her to The Hall. But she was surprised about the strange feeling she had approaching the long lane and gate. She did not feel alone. She stood still and looked around but there was no one else and no sounds apart from the birds.
It was not a frightening feeling and she did not feel watched. She could simply not explain why she was almost drawn to The Hall, as if it opened its arms, calling her.

    It was a long time ago she was here. The Hall was often talked about but no one in the village knew what happened to its owners and why it was never sold. And the ones that still might know, like her mother, grandparents and Old Ed, were very skilled in avoiding answers to questions about The Hall!

    It never bothered Elenydd, every village had it's secrets; she never knew the owners. Of course she never understood why no one bought The Hall. It was decaying but not yet beyond the point that it could not be restored any more. Actually it was in a much better state than you expected after being abandoned for so long. As if he house did not want to give up, as if it was still waiting for the former owners to return.

   This was an interesting thought. Does a house have a soul? She thought about it walking the lane. “If walls could talk”.... And stories about ghosts, spirits that were left, that could not escape? Wales, Scotland and England were famous for their ghost stories so some of these must be true.

Was there a ghost in The Hall? Was this the reason no one lived there? No.... if there was one, she should know. Ghost stories were not something to hide.

But what if someone had been murdered in the house? And for what reason? Was the village protecting the murderer because the victim was a ruthless Lord, hated by one person too many?

   She shook her head telling herself not to think this way, there was no reason to do so. “Be brave, you walked here many times in the past and nothing happened!”

True, she never had strange feelings walking here but why today? It was a silent voice that called her to The Hall, that forced her to go there.

    She hesitated when she found the gate pushed open and this happened very recently, she could tell because of the vegetation.

Photo: @riposta7 (Instagram)

Carefully she passed the gate, walked halfway the lane and stopped. First she looked around, then looked to the roof, her eyes scanning the windows. There was one window that needed her attention, at least that is how it felt. She could not take her eyes off the filthy glass. Suddenly she knew there was some one upstairs, some one she needed to call.

    Although she did not know a name and did not know why this was happening to her, her heart called out for that other heart in the attic. And she was not surprised seeing a hand cleaning the window before the face of a man appeared. A face she had never seen before yet so very familiar.

Word of thanks: the photo of @riposta7 on Instagram inspired me to write this story and I was given permission to use the photo as an illustration for which I am very grateful. Thank you Mariusz!

Link: please visit the beautiful Instagram account of @riposta7

Note: this is the 4^th story of 5 that are connected. The Story is pure fiction! A figment of my imagination!

Helen

The Voice (short story)

-3-

1977

    Cliamain MacQuilken, a 25 year old free lance photographer, left the local Inn by foot; a long walk would do him good. The bright sky promised a beautiful day with the night frost that covered the houses and fields in a hazy fairytale white, melting as soon as the sun would gain in strength.

   In Australia where he was born and where he lived, he had never seen frosty fields. He once planned to travel all the way to Snowy Mountains also called 'The Snowies'; he never made it to New South Wales but he would after this photo shoot. First he travelled to South Wales Great Britain, much further from home!

    As soon as he left the village behind, he stood still and with his hands deep down his pockets, the collar of his coat pulled up till his ears, he breathed deep. The cold penetrated his lungs and it was a pretty feeling. The path he followed meandered over a steep hill and down to the Vale of Garhowy.

The view was breath taking and he took his time to let it sink in before he got his camera from his rucksack for the first photo's for the 'New South Wales Magazine'.
   The green hills and fields, the trees with the soft tender Spring leaves; he sensed the promise of Spring as he had never sensed it before. In the far distance he saw the chimneys of his goal and he knew he would not arrive there in the first hour.

   He walked down the path and laughed about the rabbits that hastily sought shelter in the hedgerows to hide for the unknown man. The sheep in the fields blew little clouds like he did with every breath and step. He was glad he was used to climbing hills so his calves were not going to hurt tomorrow.

    One hour after he left the Inn he arrived at the rusty gate that lost most of its glory, hanging in its half broken hinges. Green ivy curled between dead grass and brown ferns up into the iron fences.

Despite the sad look of decay, the professional photographer Cliamain (Clem for his family and friends) also saw the beauty of it and took photo's from different angles.

   He tried to push the gates further open but failed. First he laid his rucksack at the other side, next he pushed himself through the gap. Suddenly the gate gave way and opened as if it welcomed a long forgotten friend. The manoeuvre stretched the ivy and towed the ferns and the grass to the corners behind the majestic stone pillars with on top the large acorns covered in green moss.

    The stretched Ivy revealed vaguely the initials 'CJ', Clem knew it were the initials of the family name of former occupants who left the Hall long ago. Therefore he knew what to expect: a derelict house that craved for restoration, if still possible after all those years.

   When he saw the house at the other end of the lawn, he was surprised by the state of it. Of course there were one or two tiles missing from the roof but it wasn't as bad as he expected. For a moment he wished he had the money to restore it, it was magnificent. He did not understand why the family left it and did not believe the many rumours he heard in the Pub last night. But if some of the rumours were true – the family was in financial trouble and had many debts – it was plausible that they never returned and that the house never came up for sale. Somewhere there must still be a descendant to claim the ownership. But who and where?

    Clem thought of it as an intriguing puzzle some one had to solve, but it was not going to be him; he did not have time enough before he returned to Australia. He felt sorry; for himself, the house and the current owner or heir.

   His evening in the local Pub was a surprise. Soon after he ordered his first beer, an old farmer who kept looking at him since he walked through the door, sat down on the stool next to him and to the inconvenience of Clem, kept glaring at him. Clem smiled, hoping it would bring a smile on the farmers face too. But the farmer looked behind him and shouted, winking with his hand: “Elgar, come here!” And Elgar climbed the stool at the other side of Clem. “Take a good look at the bachgen, a very good look and tell me what you think!” Elgar's little watery eyes between at least as many wrinkles as with the first farmer, looked and looked and said: “La.... Nag oes a similarity” and both farmers nodded and nodded while they drank their beer. The 'bachgen' felt uncomfortable with two people discussing him as if was an object instead of a human being.
   After he offered them another Pint, the farmers became more talkative and although Clem did not know all the Welsh words, he soon understood he looked like someone who lived here before. In fact he looked like the Lord of The Hall who's family suddenly left the house in the dark of the night. No one knew where they went to or what became of them.

Soon all the men in the Pub talked about it and he was advised to visit the abandoned Hall before he left for home.

   And here he stood near the steps of The Hall looking at the front door still firmly closed as he noticed pushing it. He walked a few yards back and observed the once so beautiful house and tried to imagine people living here; walking, talking, maybe children playing and laughing. The garden, now completely overgrown, must have been beautiful, like the long driveway. The large windows, now dark and unwelcoming, must have looked inviting with soft light illuminating the facade.

    Clem could not hold his curiosity and walked round The Hall till he found a large door at the back. He pushed the handle and to his surprise he did not need much power to open the door.

He entered a corridor where in the old days hung coats. Boots and shoes stood in the old racks that were now grey with dust and cobwebs. The corridor lead to a large empty kitchen, once the busy heart of the house and full of smells of food and cakes. He imagined an overheated cook with read cheeks, running from one oven to the other and shouting instructions at the young maids.

But there were no other smells than that of dust. And there were no sounds at all, it was the wrong season for the flutter of flies and butterflies.

   From the kitchen he entered a long hallway and arrived at the grand staircase in the middle of a beautiful hall with carved ceilings, now covered in thousands of grey nets, woven by many generations of spiders. Flakes of painted hanging from the ceilings and caught by the cobwebs.

    His shoes left vague prints in the dust, paint and chalk on the tiled floor.

He spent an hour inspecting the ground floor which was empty; there was no furniture. He wondered where it went because the story was the owners left in the dark of the night. He would ask the farmers during his next visit to the Pub. They were old enough to remember.

   While he walked around he was surprised by the strange feeling that although he had never been here before, it somehow felt familiar. A voice not to be heard, called him upstairs. He wanted to obey the voice, it felt as an adventure and he was curious where it would end.

Photo: kelly_jean_urbex_photograpy (Instagram)

    He walked the stairs and explored the large bedrooms and old bathrooms without hearing the voice. Until he reached the door to the attic. He opened the door, climbed the stairs, walked through the corridor with the doors to the servant rooms. The people who lived here must have had many people working for them, he counted the doors. Some rooms must haven been occupied by two people. He realized there was a large gap between the owners who lived in luxury and the servants who slept in cold and dark rooms.

   Suddenly he arrived at a large attic that covered the whole house.

And here he heard the voice again, telling him to go to the large trunk that stood solely in the middle of the attic. He did not obey immediately but first looked around, observing the dirty windows with the diffuse light and hundreds of dead insects on the sills. He had the strange feeling someone was watching him and turned around, though there was nobody.

    He walked to the trunk and the feeling being watched got stronger and stronger. He opened the lid which screeched as if it did not want to reveal it's content.

Clem looked inside but did not see anything. He put his hand in the trunk and followed the paper lining and lo and behold, in one corner lay an envelope. He took it out and looked at it but could only see a vague handwriting.

He walked to a nearby window, removed the cobwebs and used his handkerchief to clean enough window to let the light in. Again he looked at the envelope; he held his breath when he saw what was written on it. His heart bounced and he felt a cold shiver going down his spine.

    Still the envelope unopened I his hand, he turned to the window and stared at the trees in the distance. His brains refused to think, his eyes did not see the trees. He stood there, not knowing what to do let alone what to think. All his emotions came to a halt until he finally noticed the girl standing in the middle of the drive way. She looked at the window where he stood and for minutes they stared in each others eyes as if there wasn't a reasonable distance in between. Was it she that caused the feeling being watched? It could not have been her voice.

Clem turned round at the same moment the girl walked to the house......

Word of thanks: the photo of @kelly_jean_urbex _photograpy inspired me to write this story and I was given permission to use the photo as an illustration for which I am very grateful. Thank you Kelly!

Link: please visit the beautiful Instagram account of Kelly Jean her impressive website Kelly Jean Photography and Facebook Account

Note: this is the 3^rd story of 5 that are connected. The Story is pure fiction! A figment of my imagination!

Helen

The Attic (short story)

-2-

1951

    It was a very cold day in October, the icy wind touched my face.
I stood near the grave of my parents and realized I never received an answer to my question. Not sure why I thought about it today, the question wasn't very important; not any more but when I was still a young girl, the question occupied my thoughts.

   My parents died far too young, in a car crash and today was their funeral.

I stood alone near the grave, my husband Braigh waited for me near the entrance, he knew I needed some time alone to say goodbye. With my hands folded around my belly where our baby was growing, I told my father and mother that I would return but not knowing when. And that I would never forget them, what ever happened in the past. It was not their fault and I knew that although I had a different opinion when it happened.

   My hand in the black lace glove wiped the tears from my cheeks before I blew a kiss in the direction of both graves. “Mummy, Daddy, I love you. Goodbye....”.

I turned round and looked at Braigh, my handsome patient Scotsman, my love and the father of my child. He met me half way the path to the gate, folded his arms around me and held me tight to his broad and comfortable chest. I did not have to explain my feelings, I never had to. He always understood my emotions and was there to comfort me when ever I needed him.

It was like this before I told him the story and grew stronger afterwards.

   We said goodbye to the the master of ceremonies who was going to stay in touch with our solicitor for the gravestone and the payments of the bills. It surprised me that my parents took care of that a very long time ago, as soon as they arrived here in Scotland.
   Today only my husband and the solicitor knew my real surname, everybody else knew me by my alias or since my marriage the name of my husband and with the latter we were going to emigrate to Australia in 2 weeks time. But first we planned a visit to the south of Wales to visit for the very last time, the house that was my home during the first 13 years f my life. A house I could hardly remember. A house where I hoped to find the answer to that one and only question which was never answered.

   Braigh drove me to the solicitor to talk through the last necessary arrangements. It took an hour before we said goodbye but not before he handed me an envelope with my name on it, written by my mother. I recognized her elegant and pointy handwriting. “Your mother asked me to tell you not to open this envelope before you are back at The Hall”, the voice of the solicitor interrupted my thoughts: “Will you please promise me that?” I nodded, put the letter in my handbag and shook hands.

   Finally we left the small town I lived in for 12 years. A small town tucked away in the most northern parts of Scotland, miles and miles away from Wales, a town where “nobody is going to look for us, everybody expects us to be abroad” according my father. I never recalled this before but as soon as we left the town behind us, I heard his voice saying these words. And he proved to be right; we were never found and thanks to the love of my parents, I had a happy youth and soon forgot about our sudden move from the house I loved so much. I forgot about my dear friend Elsa, about her parents being close friends with mine, about our wonderful garden and the nursery. But I never forgot that one and only place in the house I had one single question about. And that part of the house I wanted to visit again.

   Braigh was concerned about my health and our baby and booked hotels on our way to Wales. The roads were windy and long and not as today all motorways. It almost felt like a holiday but I knew it was not. My visit to the house was most likely a goodbye for ever. Australia was a long way from home and with no one to return to, it was going to be a one way journey.

   The hotels were very comfortable and the food was excellent; we arrived refreshed at the gates of The Hall I was brought up until we all of a sudden and without any explanations, left in the middle of a dark and windy night where the stars and moon were hidden behind thick black clouds.

   Braigh held my hand when I stared at the large iron gate with the initials CJ at one side and a family coat of arms at the other side but that part of the gate stood wide open. It was rusty and hung in its enormous hinges, the large chain with the padlock was broken and partly disappeared in the long grass and weed that covered the lane.

I could not move, I just sat there and tried to remember how it looked like 12 years ago but I failed.

    We left the car behind and walked through the gate, it was only a short walk to the house. The whole garden was overgrown; we crossed the lawn to the entrance of the Hall and the large stairs leading to the front door with the prominent pillars on each side, once majestic and white, now grey and filthy. We walked through a heap of old leaves and I tried the doorknob but it was firmly closed. Or rusted.

   Hand in hand we walked around the Hall which was so much bigger than in my memories but with each step, memories returned. Today was windy and cloudy but I felt the sun and recognized the gardener, leaning on his rake and padding his sweaty forehead. I almost waved at him but knew he was a only a friendly ghost from the past.

    When we entered the back door which was closed but not locked, a smell of damp and decay and a total silence greeted us. It was shimmery and cold in the once warm and active kitchen that always smelled of delicious pastries and cakes. I could not help smiling when I suddenly remembered myself and Elsa sitting on top of the large wooden table, tasting the little cakes that Cook baked us. She always spoilt us.

   Braigh held me in his arms as if he understood my memories and then asked where I wanted to go next.

I wanted to go upstairs but first walked through all the empty rooms downstairs where dust and damp had taken over since there was no one any more to keep the large fires burning. I looked at all the cobwebs that covered the carved ceilings and corners, gathering the flakes from the decaying paint.

    I was surprised not to feel depressed, this empty house did not at all look like the warm and cosy house I remembered from my childhood. Without the beautiful furniture (where did that go?) it was only an empty shell. Still, when I laid my hand on the railing of the grand stairs walking upstairs, I thought I heard the voice of a young girl; laughing and calling my name. I looked up and thought I saw two girls running to the old nursery, hand in hand but their images disappeared near the entrance to the attic.

    My plan was to visit the nursery but instead I walked to the door that lead to the stairs to the attic and the rooms of the servants. This door was open and I climbed the stairs.

Braigh, who noticed I had forgotten he was still there, followed me and walked behind me passing the many doors to the servant rooms until we reached the large attic.

Photo: @_baksteen (Instagram)

   
   The windows were filthy and dimmed the light. Again I heard the voice of the young girl and finally realized it was Rhiannons voice. “Let's play 'Tea'” she said and I saw the vague misty figurers of two young girls sitting on old chairs and sofa grouped against a wall of the attic where forgotten people on old photo's looked down on them.

    I stretched my hand to accept the cup of 'tea' that was given to me but I only touched air and the girls were gone.
There was only a very large trunk.

It was if the trunk called me, a call I could not resist and I opened it. But even in the dim light I saw there was nothing in it. It was completely empty. My hand followed it's lining but touched nothing else than beautiful decorated paper, the colours protected from fading by the heavy closed lid.

   Suddenly I heard the voice of my mother: “My letter to you....”. My fingers folded around the envelope and I took it from my pocket. I broke the seal with the same coat of arms, unfolded the letter and to share it's content with Braigh, I read out loud:

   “My lovely daughter, my one and only child. You thought I had forgotten about the question that bothered you the first years after we left. The question I never answered nor wanted to answer because back then, you would not have understood my reason.

    I am well aware that you might not understand it right now but hope you will forgive me for what I did leaving it behind in the house, knowing it will come back in the family, one way or another.

I believe it might not be in the trunk any more and if so, my Welsh gift of seeing the future, was right. If so my darling daughter, I can tell you that the precious silk dress with the long lace skirt I left behind will be worn again by the granddaughter of you and Rhiannon the day she marries. And you, Rhiannon and I will watch her, giving her our blessing.

   Remember your father and I always loved you, even more than our own life's.
God Bless you my lovely Gwlithen!”

Word of thanks: the photo of @_baksteen (Instagram) inspired me to write this story and I was given permission to use the photo as an illustration for which I am very grateful. Thank you!

Link: please visit the beautiful Instagram account of @_Baksteen and his impressive website Baksteen Productions

Note: this is the 2nd story of 5 that are connected. The story is pure fiction! A figment of my imagination!

Helen

The Dress (short story)

-1-

2006

My grandchild! My joy! 

   Of course you are so much younger but look at your face and posture! 
You are so like me, if there were not two generations in between, you could easily be my twin sister. The way you move your head, the colours of your eyes. The way you hold your hand on your knee or the railing of the stairs. It is as if I look into a mirror. 

   If you could look into that same mirror, you would see you but much older and the mirror showing many cracks; not just mine but the cracks in the silver lining that reflects you. 
The mirror I used to admire my own reflection with the beautiful dress for my first evening out with your grandfather as a married woman. 
We were so in love and so excited that we almost left too late. You see my blushes by this memory? The modern youth does not blush, you will perfectly understand that naughty moment. 
I asked your grandfather to button the back of my dress but the touch of my skin made his hands dwell under my dress which made me giggle and my breathing changed. 

   Let's not go further on this but let me explain how and where I found that dress. Indeed 'found', your grandfather nor anybody else, bought it for me.
In my younger days, round the age of 10, I had a friend – Gwlithen - who lived with her family on a large estate. Very different from the house I lived in with my father and mother (your great grandparents). Our house was definitely a villa but so much smaller that the grant Hall of the Cadwallader-Joneses, a very distinguished family and the 10^th generation living in the Hall.
   My father was the much appreciated and respected solicitor and adviser of Sir Henry and they became very good friends. Lady Charlotte and my mother both loved tea parties and that is why I was a regular visitor and the friend of Gwlithen .

   During the Summer we walked and played in the large garden while our mothers drank tea, discussing evening outs and what to wear for the next ball. At the time, I am talking about the 30's, the skirts were almost indecent short, partly covering the calves. 
No corsets like our grandmothers still wore or even our own mothers when they were in their early twenties. The modern dresses were straight with a low waistline and made from soft and shiny materials. Long pearl chains were in fashion and women smoked cigarettes in long small pipes of beautiful materials like emerald or ivory. The hats were so much smaller than in the old days, more like little pots with arty feather arrangements. That is how our mother's were dressed sipping their tea under parasols to shelter their delicate skins against the sun. 

   During the Winters we played in the nursery under the watchful eye of the family's governess who was very old and often falling asleep above her book. 
It was then that we escaped to the glorious attic that covered the whole Hall. Part of it was for the bedrooms of the servants but the largest part was filled with old furniture and large trunks; Aladdin's cave! The trunks contained curtains, yards of cloth once meant for dresses and last but not least, clothes of many generations. We loved to dress up and imagining organizing our own tea parties, sitting on old chairs and sofa's, grouped against the wall. 

   Wonderful memories of a very careless time that very sudden came to a halt when we were 13. 
Looking back I now know why my father looked worried during the summer of 1939 but almost everybody looked worried and talked about the war. How did I know it wasn't the war that concerned him but instead the wellness of the Cadwallader-Jones'? And particularly the financial wellness? 
   At one day my father arrived home in shock and disappeared with my mother to the office. They stayed away for a while and coming back they took me apart. I had to sit down in between them and Mummy was holding me in her arms while Daddy told me that Gwlithen and her parents had moved but that they did not have a new address. It was most likely that I was never going to see nor hear from her again. I cried, feeling very upset. Then I cried feeling angry because she disappeared without saying goodbye. So many mixed feelings that lasted for many years. I promised myself never to return to the Hall. It felt being betrayed seeing other people in that beautiful home.

   The years past by and the Hall remained empty. The Cadwallader-Jones never returned and new owners never arrived. At the age of 17 I was old enough to understand that Gwlithen might not have known she left the house for good and therefore never said goodbye to me.

I often wondered where they lived and under what circumstances. Did she still remember me as I did her? Did she still remember our secret tea parties at the attic? 
   It was if the attic called me. I wanted to resist the call but I could not. So on a very rainy day in Autumn, the year after the war, I put my raincoat on and with my feet tucked away in warm Wellie's I walked to the Hall. The road and driveway were covered in weed, bushes and thick layers of leaves fallen down from the large Oak trees over the past 7 years. Autumn is my favourite season, like for you, but that particular day the heavy smell of wet leaves and fungi, depressed me. The heavy rain that was now pouring down, did not make me feel better.

   The once so grand Hall stared at me with it's large empty eyes that once reflected the sunshine or showed the cosy lights inside. Nothing of it all today. 
   I walked to the back and to my astonishment the backdoor was not locked. I pushed it open and walked through the kitchen to the hall with the large staircase. I looked around in a totally empty house and could not remember my father or anyone else mentioning the furniture being removed. 
   I looked up the stairs and although I did not want to explore the house, my feet were disobedient and walked me upstairs and to the back of the corridor where I opened the door to the attic. 
I arrived at this large attic and passed the doors of the servant's rooms.
   Then I stepped into the empty space once our playground and in the middle of it stood one large trunk. It looked smaller in my memory and smaller because it was surrounded by emptiness but it was still very big. 

   The first minutes I did not move. I stared at the trunk and listened to the rain that ruffled its song on the roof. Finally I stepped forward and opened the large case. In the shimmer of the attic I had to look twice before I discovered the one and only object at the bottom. A grey shadow until I carefully lifted it. The rustling lace released the smell of Lily of the Valle, a vague familiar scent that almost made me cry. I held the silk dress with the lace skirt against my cheek and suddenly remembered Gwlithen's mother wearing it at a party in The Hall. 

   A little voice in my head told me to put the dress back but another voice told me the dress had been waiting for me and I could not argue with it. It felt if I had to find it, if it was left here to be found, to be restored to its former glory and to be treasured.

Photo: @glory.of.disrepair (Instagram)

And that my dear granddaughter, was the dress I wore to the first party I went to as a married woman. The dress your grandfather loved so much that he never allowed it to leave the house: “You are my angel in that dress.”

   That dress dear child, is waiting for you in my own attic. I know you did not know I was your grandmother until my letter that you are reading now. Don't blame your mother for running off with her love and never returning. Her husband, the son of Gwlithen, never allowed her to return for still unknown reasons. But I have always known who you are. The address and the key of my house is now yours. It will be dusty and smelly after so many years being empty and forgotten. So hurry my love the dress is waiting for you. 


Word of thanks: the photo of @glory.of.disrepair (Instagram) inspired me to write this story and I was given permission to use the photo as an illustration for which I am very grateful. Thank you Mathias! 

Link: please visit the beautiful Instagram account of Mathias Mahling

Note: this is the 1st story of 5 that are connected. The story is pure fiction! A figment of my imagination!

Helen

Last Performance (short story)

   His body moved passionately with every note, absorbing the music.
His fingers kissed the ivory and ebony keys in changing tempo's. The violins in complete harmony; tender and loving.... energetic and impressive. Or in total silence, listening to the careful touches, waiting to join in.

   Beethoven was always his favourite composer, particularly No. 3 in C Minor, Opus 1, no 3:IV, Finale, Prestissimo. It was the first music he heard as a little boy of only 2 years old, during a concert at home, organized by his parents. He sat in a little chair in the corridor upstairs, looking down at all the guests in their beautiful clothes. Jewellery shone in the light of hundreds of candles which sent their warmth and the scents of all the different perfumes his way. It did not bother him, with his eyes wide open he listened and listened.
His little hands mimicked the hands of the pianist in the black suit. His head moved in the same rhythm, his blond and silky hair waved. His little body relaxed when the music was slow but straightened by a higher tempo. Although he was too young to describe his own feelings, he knew that he had never heard something as beautiful as this.
   His governess watched him, thinking she needed to talk to his parent. This beautiful child was born to play the piano and the lessons needed to start at a young age.
She did not notice the tears at her wrinkly cheeks. Tears because she knew the childhood of this lovely little boy was going to be different than that of other children. But how could she keep it away from him? Look at his face with the soft cheeks that coloured red by the emotions he felt.

   She was right, this evening changed his life.
His parents were delighted to learn about the musical gift of their child and looked for someone to teach the boy piano lessons. Their choice was Monsieur Augustin Joguet, a Frenchman famous for tutoring gifted pupils.
But M. Joguet never met a child as young as the little boy who was even at the age of almost 3, also very stubborn. A child that heard music in his head, music his hands wanted to play on the beautiful grand piano in the music room. His young attitude drove M. Joguet almost insane by the look of his behaviour; next to the child (the poor boy was never called by his name) he made little jumps on his chair, raised his white hands with the long pointy fingers in the air, dramatically shouting: "Mais non, non non!!! Ze child first needs to learn ze scales!! 'E can not play Beet'oven at once!!" Then shook his head, spreading desperate little drops of sweat.
   Arguments about his payment, patience and to his great annoyance also his competence, followed.
The little child did not understand what was said, he did not even hear it. His head was full of beautiful almost heavenly music where dissonance was not allowed; he closed his ears for the ugly music produced by the adult voices. Instead he let his little wide spread fingers search for the right tones of the performance he heard during that  beautiful evening. In his head the violins.

   M. Joguet resigned; thinking he might be too old for this which worried him far more than the future of this gifted child who played the piano in unawareness. Parents and governess wondered if he had even noticed his teacher left for good.
   A new teacher arrived. And another one, and another one until the very young pianist that understood the music in the child's head and the connection between these tones and his fingers performing an excellent translation.
Of course there were other lessons to follow and as long as the child knew the piano was waiting for him, he obediently listened to his governess and made his homework.

   At the age of five he had his first performance for the guests of his parents.
The sight of his little innocent body sitting on the chair, his back turned to the guests, was very touching and many ladies could not hold their tears.
The child's teacher sat next to the piano, his hands folded, his eyes fixed on the boy as if he read the notes inside that little head. There were no music pages to turn, the boy knew it all by heart.
   The evening was very successful although more realistic people agreed that this child should climb trees or play cricket instead. Though the parents were very proud.

   The years went by, he became very famous, his parents added extra space to the music room to entertain more guests because the only problem was that the child, a man by now, never wanted to leave the house. The sound of the outside world confused him, too many notes that did  not make sense, notes causing agony and disorder. He once described the sounds outside the walls of their stately home as 'ugly' and the way he pronounced it, left no doubt.
   A situation causing great concern with everyone involved, not in the least his parents. They shook their grey and wrinkly heads but could not avoid leaving this world when old and tired; like the guests. The younger generation the man wasn't familiar with, developed a different taste for music.
He wasn't aware of it and as long as people looked after him, he played and played until his body also bent for physical decay; his back round and aching, his knuckles swollen in pain. He did not want to give up, did not want to stop. He could not stop, there was so much music in his head.

   Still came the day of his very last performance.
The sight of his shrunken lean body sitting on the chair, his back turned to the non existing guests, was very touching and angels above could not hold their tears.

Photo: @glory.of.disrepair (Instagram)

The translucent posture of his long gone teacher was seen next to the piano, his eyes fixed on the man. There were no pages to turn, the fading fingers of the man found their way without thinking. Beethoven's No. 3 in C Minor, Opus 1, no 3:IV, Prestissimo was the man's personal Finale; he played with all the energy that was left. The tones echoed against the walls and ceiling, made the structure move; tearing the plaster apart until the tones slowly drifted away when the teacher reached out for the man who allowed the elements to take care of his beloved grand piano. His music travelled with him to never be heard again.


Word of thanks: the photo of @glory.of.disrepair (Instagram) inspired me to write this story and I was given permission to use the photo as an illustration for which I am very grateful. Thank you Mathias!

Link: please visit the beautiful Instagram account of @glory.of.disrepair

Note: the story is pure fiction! A figment of my imagination!

Helen

Wind of Seasons (short story)

The edge of the cliff. A dangerous place to be, she knew that, was born here.

   But an indefinable feeling that made her body tremble, drove her from the cottage to this edge of her world. She was so much a child of the beautiful Northern Irish landscape where the many shades of green competed  with the grey and blue colours of the sky. Where the wind waved the grass or tortured the scarce trees that bravely survived the storms with bowed backs like old men.

   She was born in a heavy storm in April and named Aibreann. Her paternal grandmother predicted a strong and determined will, always prepared to fight storms in her life and even looking for them.
Aibreann did not disappoint her grandmother with whom she had a close relationship. Both women had a wild almost earthly edge to their character. Both inherited the free will and combativeness from the Vikings that once ruled Northern Ireland. Add a little blood from the Cromwell's soldiers and a generation of brave women was born. 

   Strong women needed strong men at their side; it wasn't an easy task for the parents to find the right one. Most men were easily either discouraged or too impressed and Aibreann was very seldom impressed by the men who dared to try to approach her.
Her mother shook her head and believed her daughter was never going to marry. Her father laughed and said that the man who could handle his daughter was out there somewhere to turn up when Aibreann was ready for it.

   Watching the wild sea beneath her, Aibreann smiled. Yes, she was 24 and yes, there was a man - Lorcan - she liked but her heart still belonged to the seasons and not to him although she admired his tenacity. The first man that seemed not too impressed with that wild side of her. Still....
   She straightened her back even more, raised her head, her chin pointing forwards, her eyes wide open. She opened her arms and welcomed the wind that gained in strength, trying to subject her to his power.
Aibreann did not give in and laughed, the wind swirled her laugh over the fields towards a man on his horse.

   The man sat high on his tall dark brown horse, his left hand on his knee; the wind blew the manes round his right hand that loosely held the bridles.  He looked at the woman at the edge of the cliff and could not take his eyes of her, feeling a sensation of which he thought he lost it long ago.
   To an ordinary spectator it might have looked if she was going to jump but he knew that she stood their to embrace the wind. She was too far away to hear her laughing still the sound resonated in his chest. Man and horse did not move and stood like a statue in the middle of the green field defined by large ferns that obeyed the law of Autumn by fading into yellow and brown.

   At the same moment the man guided his horse to the cliff, Aibreann knew someone was watching her. She turned around and the wind blew her hair forwards; her hands held her hair back to watch the magnificent combination of strength and solidarity of the man and his horse.

   She was alone but not afraid. Her chin still up, she waited; her eyes fixed on the man's face until she could see his eyes grey as the smoke from the chimneys.
   She raised her hand and laid it on the nostrils of the beautiful horse who nodded a few times to approve with her touch. She did not look at the horse, she looked at the man who's emotions were clearly visible in his eyes; the grey turned from bright to dark but he did not blink.
   She lost track of time, the world around her stood still. The wind got hold of her heart and blood, raced through her body and she knew that the man felt the same. She knew she found her equal and she knew she needed to fight for him; he was the main storm in her life and nothing that followed later in life would cause similar sensations.

~

   Aibreann smiled and thought she was indeed an old sentimental fool. A forgotten tear dripped on the letter in her hand. One of the many the man wrote to her. Letters in which he told her about the storm in his heart the moment he saw her. That incredible sensation that raced through his blood. The recognition of equal souls; creations of the wind.
   Their secret relationship was not meant to last, they both knew that, but until it ended it was fiercely, unruly. Their passion grew with the Autumn winds, raw and reckless. The rain washed the tears they did not want to cry, their time together was too short.
   The storm inside her held on for months after he left but then came the day she calmed down and accepted the proposal of  Lorcan.

   Poor Lorcan who was good to her, who loved her and kissed the ground she was walking on. She was loyal to him, never betrayed him with another man but also never told him about the letters of her wild and passionate lover from long ago. A lover she never met again but who's letters she received though never replied to, until the announcement of his death 60 years later, long after Lorcan passed away.

   After she read the final letter from the stranger that told her about the death of her friend ("we found your address in his agenda"), she walked to the cliff but instead of looking at the sea, she looked in the opposite direction, the wind in her back, searching for the contours of man and horse but they were gone. 

Photo: @beautifully_derelict_ni (Instagram)

   All what was left was a case full of letters, carefully preserved in the attic and never to be read twice or found by anyone. Until now after she towed the case downstairs. Sitting in her chair in front if the peat fire, she opened them one by one before she laid them back in the case.   She read for days and days, forgot to eat, forgot to drink. The peat fire stopped burning but she did not feel the cold; she felt the heat of the fire that burned with the same flame in two bodies, enkindled by the storm.

   Aibreann too died long ago but the heritage of her character and the unlimited love for the seasons once united in the only man on earth that understood her, still remains. Exposed in her little home in front of a cold hearth until the elements destroy what is left of the abandoned cottage, allowing the storm to blow the written memories towards the wild sea.

 

Word of thanks: the photo of @beautifully_derelict_ni (Instagram) inspired me to write this story and I was given permission to use the photo as an illustration for which I am very grateful. Thank you Jules!!

 
Link: please visit the beautiful Instagram account of Jules

Note: the story is pure fiction! A figment of my imagination. 

Helen 

Anxiety (short story)

   They told me they were coming back, that they would never leave me.

   But that is not true, is it? Or do I have to wait longer? If so, can you please tell me how long?
Oh... I have so many questions and I can't answer them. Nobody answers them for me.
I was told not to leave the house "It is an evil world son", Mummy and Daddy said. And they know all about the evil world.

   It has not always been like this, oh no! I still remember the warmth of the sun. It is so long ago that I do not remember anymore which year. I do remember that I sat in my little wooden chair in the garden, together with my fluffy Teddy Bear. Do you know his name? It was Arcot, Mummy said it meant 'bear' in a foreign language.
   I should not have mentioned my Teddy Bear, he is gone too and now I feel sad again and cry. I must have lost him somewhere in the garden. Long after everybody else left and Arcot left me too. Why??
   I was looking for food in the garden, digging carrots like Mummy did but I found a strange white carrot that looked like the bone our old dog ate. It scared me, I must have dropped Arcot and I do not want to go back.

    Why is Mummy not coming back? She promised after Daddy never returned.
I loved Mummy and I loved Daddy but I did not love them when they were shouting at each other.
And they shouted so often; I always hid in the wardrobe, holding my hands over my ears and then I cried but they did not hear me.
   One day Mummy said to Daddy: "It is enough, I'll make sure you never shout again" and she took Daddy to the garden. I stayed in the wardrobe so do not know where they went.
I waited and waited, maybe an hour, maybe a week, I don't remember. Here on my own an hour is as dark and lonely as a week.
But when Mummy returned she had mud on her hands, I thought she looked for carrots too.
After she washed her hands she took my arm and told me I was never to go out in the garden again: "Never! Do you hear me?"
I cried, shouting I wanted Daddy but she shook me until my teeth rattled and since that day I often have this terrible pain in my head. Pain that confuses me. I do not always remember the days or the weeks when I am in pain.

   Sometimes I wake up in a dark house with dirty shoes. I don't understand where the mud comes from and I don't know who else wears my shoes. I don't go out in the garden, not after I found the white carrot. And I could not tell Mummy, she had gone too.
I often sit near the window, looking if she is walking down the path but the trees grow and grow, I don't think she can reach the house anymore.
   I stopped looking in the mirror because I see an unknown man, dirty with long filthy hair and grey irregular stripes on his cheeks. His large eyes with the red eyelids are so scary! I am so afraid of him but he does not come after me. He stays in the mirror.
It can not be me, I am still little and looking for Arcot. I want to tell Arcot how very afraid I am, he will understand me.

   I look at the photo's. Daddy always took photo's, there are boxes full of them. He had many camera's too, they are all still in the house. I do not know how it works, I tried to open the yellow boxes with the strange rolls in little plastic cans. But I d not know what to do with them. I rolled them out but do not see anything, it is all grey. Nothing like all the photo's where I see the old dog, Mummy and Daddy. Photo's on which I see myself in the wooden chair, that is how I know I am still little so the man in the mirror can not be me.

   I do not want the photo's to go away. I talk to them, ask them to bring Mummy and Daddy back. Do you think that is possible? I try hard, I hold them against my chest and close my eyes. I repeat over and over again "Please step out and come to live with me!".  Nothing happens and I am so scared!
   I think hard but still do not know what happened to Mummy. The last thing I remember was that she was so angry at me and my headache got worse and worse. The next I knew was all the mud on my shoes, I don't know what happened in between. And if I try to think hard, my anxiety grows and grows and I look for Arcot. I look in every corner, behind every chair, I walk faster and faster, bump into furniture, throw things aside and shout. Shout for Arcot. Arcot! ARCOT..........!!

   The man that waded through the weed and bushes, stood still. The awful sound that echoed through the woods was too scary to be human. Still, it were not the crows, it were not the deer.
He listened but only heard silence. Total silence, if every living creature in the forest held it's breath.
   The man noticed how cold it was and rubbed the goosebumps at his arms. He was not sure any more if he still wanted to visit the abandoned house deep down the woods. The house that no one wanted to visit but he did not believe in ghosts.
   He shook his head and continued his walk, surprised the temperature went down so quickly. He blamed the sun not being able to find it's way through the dense trees.

   Suddenly the house was there, without a warning. The temperature was as low as it could be, it felt as if the cold came from the house and not the woods. The dark filthy windows glared at him, hostile and angry. He was not welcome but he did not give in to his fear.
   The door was covered in cob webs with spiders as big as he had never seen before. With his sleeve over his hand, he pushed the doorknob and to his surprise the door flung open, tearing the cob webs apart, angry spiders running in all directions.

   The temperature in the house felt below zero, the man's teeth started to rattle and he rubbed is arms for some warmth. If there was an evil world outside, in here it was even worse.

Photo: @thedarkveil (Instagram)

   Entering the room he noticed the camera's and photo's sooner than the chaos of smashed furniture. He took some photo's and looked at a man and woman, probably man and wife. The smile at the face of the woman made his goosebumps return, he felt a frightening chill going down his spine.
   While he put the photo back, he noticed another one with a lovely little boy in a wooden chair. A boy with angel-like curly hair, wide open eyes with long lashes. He smiled at the camera, happy in his own little world. In his arms, tightly pushed against his chest, a fluffy Teddy Bear.

   "ARCOT!" This time the man clearly understood that gruesome scream. It echoed in his head, penetrated his body and bones. His blood froze and for the very first time in his life he knew what anxiety meant. Anxiety that made him run and run to never return.
  

Word of thanks: the photo of @thedarkveil (Instagram) inspired me to write this story and I was given permission to use the photo as an illustration for which I am very grateful.Thank you Cameron!!

Links: please visit the beautiful Instagram account of @thedarkveil and his impressive website Cameron and Evans Fine Art Photography!
 
Note: the story is pure fiction! A figment of my imagination!

Helen