Her
sharp voice at the end of her sentence, frightened me a little. Just
a little and not enough to leave her house so I sat down at the
nearest available chair and looked in astonishment to the one I was
not allowed to sit at.
“Well
my dear, you are definitely one of the very view that stay but not
the only one with that same look on your face. And I am not going to
apologize for the state the house is in.”
Her
voice lost the sharp edges of a minute ago and now sounded very thin,
I almost expected it to disappear but she spoke again: “I hope you
brought your own beverage, I do not want to poison you with the left
tea leaves or coffee beans, let alone offering you a piece of cake!”
The
way she said it, caused me a few negative goose bumps but I did not
show it to her, afraid she was going to take advantage of my sudden
fear. I said that I indeed had a water bottle in my rucksack but not
being thirsty at the moment. She nodded in agreement and watched me;
my eyes wandering off to that particular chair next to the old
fireplace that once had a bright yellow colour.
“I
know what you are thinking... you ask yourself what that thing is
doing here in the kitchen” and I knew she was not talking about the
chair. I could only agree but the word 'yes' got stuck in my throat.
She noticed this and suddenly laughed. A laugh that scared me almost
to death and it was difficult not to move, to hold on to my chair or
even run as fast as I could. I am not known to be scared easily but
right now I was.
As
suddenly as her laugh started, it stopped and she moved through the
room. I watched her and hoped she kept in sight.
“Don't
be scared, I am not going to hurt or kill you. It is not your time
yet.”
I was not sure if this was a reassurance and did not dare to ask when it was my time, afraid for the answer.
I was not sure if this was a reassurance and did not dare to ask when it was my time, afraid for the answer.
“Let
me tell you a story, please relax.”, she said and stopped moving
right in front of me but without reach although I did not have the
desire to touch her.
I
tried to relax and listened to the following story:
“I
was born in a time and family were women needed to be very slim and
beautiful. We were taught manners, how to have intelligent
conversations, learned to dance and to serve tea. My father was a
rich man and a wool merchandiser. He bought a large estate and
although the many restrictions, I had a very pleasant childhood. We
travelled to other countries and I went to a school in Switzerland to
become a real lady. And this was the time I got my first Corset. I
had seen one in Mummy's bedroom and knew it was used to shape her body
but never knew it also was a torture to wear it; Mummy never
complained.
In
those days you did not complain, at least not openly and not in front
of your children. Of course I don't know if Mummy ever complained to
Daddy in the thrifty moments he stayed in her bedroom. And you need
to know that Corsets were highly fashionable those days. It was only
until I got married that I learned that men thought of the torture
garment as being very sexy. That is why I understood the black and
white photo's I found in a secretly hidden box in the wardrobe after Daddy
passed away. No, I was not shocked, I am not an old spinster!”
Her
voice faded when she recalled these memories and I had difficulties
understanding her. I moved a little to attract her attention. I agree
being very curious; this was a women who did not mind talking about
the more intimate details and I was more than willing to learn a
little history first hand. I watched the smile on her face when she
noticed my curiosity.
“I
like you” she said. “I really like you and continue my story
before I decide to let you go or take you with me. I know I said it
is not your time yet but I can change my mind, can't I?” She
laughed; a shivering high sound that died in sudden stillness.
I did not dare to move again.
“I married at the age of 20 with a man who at the time, was also attracted by my dowry and status. Fortunately for him I was beautiful and I was happy he was quite handsome but also knew about his reputation with women, something my parents preferred to neglect.
Of
course I heard stories about the wedding night and they varied in
emotions from 'disgusting', 'a duty not a pleasure' to 'heavenly' and
'exciting'.
I
have to give all credits to the experienced skills of my husband that
my wedding night was the latter. And it was the first exciting night
of many to follow. He taught me to feel and to be sexy. He bought me
flowers and presents, he openly showed his deep affection for me and
herewith upset the women he made love to in the past.
These
women who were at first kind to me as if they felt sorry,
now tried to patronize me and some got very rude, spreading rumours
about my husband being unfaithful.
He
and I laughed about it, we knew much better. We spent all nights in
the same bed and sleeping was not the only thing we did!”
The
smile on her face was a surprise and I almost forgot that horrible
laugh I heard earlier. I now saw the young women that was deeply in
love with her husband and who was treasured and loved by him in return. Her whole face changed and her eyes, first as cold and sharp as
icicles, shone bright and warm.
“And
you know what was our favourite garment? Of course you know, you are
an intelligent girl. Indeed, it was the Corset. But not the one
my mother bought me. No, he bought me very beautiful ones in
different colours; red with black lace, or white with pink lace.
Even completely black, almost like leather. Instead of being tortured
by tight strings and baleens, I was spoiled with soft materials that
more became a toy than a necessity to be in line with the current
fashion.”
Her
voice faded again and she looked up to the ceiling. I sat very still,
I wanted to know the ending. She turned her eyes to me. Her smile was
nice and warm which caused a glow round her whole body.
“I lived in a time that the word 'emancipation' was not a descent word or even existed. You modern women think that we were slavish and unobtrusive but this we had in our owns hands. I learned to handle it and above all to use it. What looks like a Corset in life is not always what you think it is. It is your choice to pull the strings as tight as possible or to loosen them and to form the baleens your way.
I
can say in all honesty the Corset was my liberation form the
Victorian rules and traditions. And therefore I keep my very first
one in sight, at the chair near the fireplace. Two symbols of the
flames in my marriage and freedom!!”
Photo: @lotjeurbex (Instagram) |
Liberation!!!
Liberation.......
I clearly heard the words, loud and out of place in a house that was decaying. Suddenly the words were gone as was the old lady.
When I entered the abandoned villa, it was very cold and I could feel the cold right through my thick quilted coat and warm gloves. The smell of decay was very present and the chaos covered in dust enormous.
I clearly heard the words, loud and out of place in a house that was decaying. Suddenly the words were gone as was the old lady.
When I entered the abandoned villa, it was very cold and I could feel the cold right through my thick quilted coat and warm gloves. The smell of decay was very present and the chaos covered in dust enormous.
But
now it felt warm and comfortable as if there was a little flame
burning inside me. The items around me suddenly had a meaning and I
realized more than ever that they once belonged to a living person
who knew love, who lived a real life.
I smiled, took my rucksack, blew a kiss to the ghost of the old lady and walked out the door.
Word of thanks:
the photo of @lotjeurbex
(Instagram) inspired me to write this story and I was given
permission to use the photo as an illustration for which I am very
grateful. Thank you Lieselotte!
Links:
please visit the beautiful Instagram Account of @lotjeurbex
and her impressive Facebook
Account.
Note:
the story is pure fiction! A figment of my imagination!
Helen
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