Ineke’s life

A while ago I blogged about my friend and namesake Ineke who received at the age of 32, a horrible message from her Oncologist. Her Skin Cancer had spread to her ribs, there was no cure. She was going to die.
Oh yes, radiation was possible when the metastases were going to cause her pain. However, no cure, no solution.

Ineke wanted a second opinion and went to the Anthony van Leeuwenhoek Ziekenhuis(specialized in Cancer treatments) and was told that she probably qualified for a new treatment. Not that it would cure the Cancer but it could slow down the growth.

Unfortunately, her dossier was missing, the other Hospital sent it and the AvL never received it.
They took blood of Ineke, did a CT scan and after two weeks she returned for the outcome.
They could not find anything wrong in her blood and they could not see anything on the CT scan so she did not qualify for the trial.
This was an odd outcome after the statement of the other Hospital. Although her dossier was back, the MRI scan was still missing. The Hospital scheduled an MRI scan of the brains and Ineke returned for her appointment.
She lay on the table for her scan and had to wait for a very long time. Then the doctor showed up, told her that they finally received the MRI results from the other Hospital and based on that and the outcome of their own test and that MRI scan, there was no reason for another MRI.

Ineke, glad she lay down already, got dizzy and confused. “But they told me I had metastases and that I was going to die!” The doctor understood her feelings and said that he only saw a broken rib on the old MRI and some blood cloths but no Cancer!
He called for an Oncologist (Ineke’s own Oncologist was in the US attending a seminar) who explained again that there was nothing wrong apart from a slightly swollen node in her left groin. Something that needs be to monitored closely but nothing to worry about right now.

Ineke got more and more confused, afraid someone was very wrong here. The Oncologist made sure she went for her MRI straight away and again no Cancer.

Ineke explained in an e-mail how she felt, what was going round and round in her head, her worries, her joys, her disbelieve and finally realizing she got a life again, a future! That her boyfriend Mark was not going to live in their new house which they just started to build, on his own but together with Ineke. And that the possibility of raising a family was back.

But she also realized that if she hadn’t asked for a second opinion, she would never had known she was not going to die. And every painful spot was treated with radiation. And believe me, if you are diagnosed with metastases, you will accept that every little painful spot, is related to that. What a very scary thought….

Ineke asked all of us not to e-mail her with euphoric Hurray’s but to respect her wish to let it all sink in. She would come back to us with another e-mail if she felt up to replies.

One week later we received an e-mail with the text: “Please click the link below, you are invited to a party”
This alone was good news, knowing that Ineke was going to celebrate her new life!

But when I logged on to the link, the photo album of Ineke and Mark, I cried. Happy tears though!!
It was not just an invitation to a party…. No, it was an invitation to their wedding! Ineke and Mark are going to get married the 27th of June.

What a wonderful way to celebrate life. A future together…..

Spring

Back in 2000, I created a Hotmail account with my surname. I received the message that this combination was already taken.
My surname is not a very common one so I was surprised to find another Roelfsema with the initial “I”
I wrote this person a letter (in English, you never know where someone lives) and received a wonderful letter in return form a 25 year old KLM Stewardess from Holland, called Ineke.

Ever since, we exchanged numerous e-mails and met several times. She became a very loyal friend, a very close relative although we do not share the same ancestors.

When I was diagnosed with Cancer, she wrote in an e-mail: “Ike, the coward Cancer doesn’t know yet, but he messes with the wrong person!!” This became my Mantra and it has been my e-mail signature during all the (successful) treatments.

Half a year ago, not long after she met the man of her dreams, Ineke was diagnosed with Skin Cancer, a little spot at her back. They removed the Cancer and found it as well in the Sentinel (gate-keeper) lymph node. All lymph nodes got removed and there was no Cancer found in those. This was very hopeful.

Though a few weeks ago, Ineke got very painful ribs and X-rays showed “hot spots” and yesterday the MRI scan confirmed it was Cancer.
She told me this in an e-mail, which I received half an hour ago. Her Cancer cannot be treated. She does not even get the chance to fight. Ineke, who feels like being in a nightmare, has now the difficult task to change the direction of her life. She and her partner, have now to find a way to create a new life, a very short life, together.
Both families now know, they have to get on without this very special woman. There is no life expectance. Maybe a few months, maybe a year. No one can predict this, Ineke’s Cancer is aggressive.

I can’t accept yet that where I survived my Cancer, Ineke is going to lose the battle.
I was just copying a quote I found on the Internet to my Skype Mood Message when Ineke’s e-mail arrived.
The quote says: “Life is like the seasons, spring always follows winter.” This quote is how I live and experience my life. That is why I felt attracted to it.
All of a sudden this quote got a totally different meaning. Yes, Spring follows Winter. I still believe that. Though my first thought was “There will not be a Spring after Ineke’s Winter. Inekes suffering will become very dark and difficult at the end. Spring follows when the suffering ends, but only for Ineke at that very moment.

For her partner and her family it will take a long time before the flowers bloom again.
Eventually all memories of Ineke will cause a Spring again. She is a beautiful person and these memories of her will bring the sun back to those who love her so much.
Ineke is still a fighter, she fights for a special last stage of her life. She will try to keep the Spring alive as long as possible.